Weekly Movies 2019 – Week 6

Fast Zombies with Guns (2009)

A man knows too much about a criminal and is going to spill the beans, the criminal sends his son to kill him. He needs to dump a virus of some sorts into his water supply, well tada zombies are born. Now a group of people are going to survive this zombie apocalypse. Sadly enough the zombies run and are able to use guns.

I think this movie has the most literal name of all movies ever. It is what the title says it is. And yes it is as bad as it sounds. I won’t even put a spoiler alert here because it really sucks major donkey balls. The acting is very very very bad, like I need to turn this crap off bad. Sadly enough my ocd says I need to finish the movie, so I did. The zombies look like people with strawberry jam on their faces and clothing, the “running” of the zombies looks like people way out of shape trying to run. Well it is probably people out of shape trying to run. And yes the zombies can use fire weapons. The special effects are over the top bad, everything is done with cheap CGI. Reusing extras happens the whole time and the movie has been filmed with an old camera or an ipad or something really bad.

Story wise; guy runs around the street and two other guys find him, they bring him with them and they ask him where he comes from. He then tells his story, basically he screws everyone over and that is how he survives until the beginning and ending of the movie. There are several story lines but they are all so crappy. I will not beg you, but please do not watch this movie, do not believe the positive reviews on IMDB. Those are clearly written by people involved with this “project”.

Fast Zombies with Guns (2009)_IMDB Profile

My Score: (1 / 10)

It Stains the Sands Red – Horror (2016)

The zombie apocalypse has arrived, people escape the cities and so does Molly and her pimp daddy. Their car gets stuck in the desert and as they wait for help from the pimps buddies a Zombie comes walking towards them. They can’t kill it, they try to hide in the car and events lead her to escape the zombie by foot through the desert.

So this movie surprised me, the plot is quite strong and the acting isn’t half that bad. Of course some characters are somewhat over the top but the premise is very cool. I think it is refreshing, original and well executed. The amount of emotion and frustration shows very well as the main actress does a very descent job. Would I watch this movie again? Certainly.

Spoiler Alert - It Stains the Sands Red
So the zombie chases the lead lady through the desert and she needs to survive, she has ample supplies but is able to outrun/out walk the zombie. Using a crapload of cocaine and almost dying a few times she builds a weird bond with the zombie. Sadly enough she does get hurt and might turn. Meanwhile she has a son and even though she gave him to her sister as she was a stripper and couldn’t take care of him (According to herself), she goes to the city to find him. There are some very nasty situations, she goes to an airport where her pimp daddy’s friends will fly away. She gets there after leaving behind her zombie but decides to get to her son instead of going to some warm Caribbean country. As she goes to find him at her sisters house the movie changes it’s nature but is still very well done and the ending is perfect for this movie. I must say I want more of this zombie universe. Go watch it if you can.

It Stains the Sands Red IMDB Profile

My Score: (6 / 10)

Night Shadow – Horror (1989)

A reporter goes back to her home town to take a break. Sadly enough a bunch of violent murders are being committed near her. Her brother and his idiotic friends are pranksters and decide to mingle with it and they get into trouble the reporters brother tries to fix the situation.

It is a supernatural horror with Martial Arts elements and the movie does both of them no justice at all. Acting sucks and the story is way too incoherent. To be honest I thought it was a different movie, sadly enough I have to watch a movie till the end. So I was stuck watching this, it was bad but somehow I kept watching. The Martial Arts parts are very forced and totally out of place. This movie was made to ride on the wave of good horror movies in the 80’s. Would I watch it again? No, not at all.

Spoiler Alert - Night Shadow
The reporter goes home and while she drives towards the town a Man stands besides his car on the road, he looks at her with very disturbing eyes. Well it seemed he was constipated or something similar, that happens a few times in the movie. The reporter lady is sort of a main character but she isn’t really. Her brother is a Martial Arts guy, and Asian just like her. Very stereotypical. The brother has stupid friends and together with them he pulls pranks on their “friends”. The brother works at a motel and there he goes into a room to repair something and sees a disturbing book and links it to the murders in town. Which are very violent and all clues go towards a big dog like creature (Werewolf much?). He brings his friends to the hotel room and one of them steals the book, so they start to die one by one and in the end with the reporter, a cop and his car they kill the werewolf. Very sloppy movie and not very good at all. The werewolf and practical effects are ok, sometimes the werewolf looks like a cute stuffed animal with big teeth.

Night Shadow (1989) IMDB Profile

My Score: (2 / 10)

Paris by Night of the Living Dead (2009)

A couple get married in Paris, the zombie apocalypse breaks out and they go on a zombie killing spree. There you go the whole movie, well it is a short movie. About 12 minutes and nothing more.

The short is quite bad, but seeing it is not taking itself serious it is actually achieving that. Special effects are meh, acting is not even a thing. The humor part is not my cup of tea so I won’t comment too much about it. So below is a embed youtube video, that is the short. Go watch it if you like bad zombie movies.

Paris by Night of the Living Dead (2009) IMDB Profile

My Score: (2 / 10)

Patient Zero – Horror (2018)

Humanity is under siege once again by infected humans, a violent strain of the rabies virus had mutated. This mutated strain turns animals and humans into rabid infected. Morgan is the only one who can communicate with them and together with scientists and remaining US military they interrogate infected to find patient zero. Time is running out and they desperately need an vaccine.

It is a very typical infected story, acting is quite bad. Which is very strange seeing that there are several great actors including Matt Smith (Dr. Who) and Stanley Tucci. The writers have taken an overused idea and made it extremely generic, the scenery was nice though. Again the military people are total aggressive male chauvinistic assholes that have to show how though they are. Please movie makers quit that stupid stereotype it isn’t doing anything good for your movie. Music is not bad but sometimes I had the idea they bought a standard 100 bucks package from some generic musician that creates boring movie music. Will I watch this movie again? Probably not, it did not irritate me that much but there where cringe-worthy moments. It felt like it was a pilot for a very bad tv series about infected people.

Spoiler Alert - Patient Zero
So Morgan was bitten by an infected and instead of becoming one of them he only gained the ability to speak to them. The us military and a group of scientist use him to interrogate the infected. The way they handle the infected and not even check them before bringing them in the facility is idiotic at best. The whole plot in the end is that a professor Infected (Tucci) gets in and lets other infected know where the location of the facility is. How did he do that? He let an other infected get caught with a tracker in it, they find the tracker after Tucci’s character is in and has talked to Morgan being Philosophical and that they are more evolved and humans are actually the virus. The guy with the tracker has a huge gash on his body that has a suture and they did not even see that? Come on, really? And Tucci’s character comes in the facility in a body bag, they did not even check if he was alive? Cheap, very cheap. Well another story line is that Morgan’s wife is an infected and is also in the facility he is giving her a semi working vaccine made from his blood to her and that keeps her from become all rage stricken and such. In the meanwhile he fell in love with the lead scientist and she is pregnant, so in the end they escape but the wife helps them get out safely. They get on a bike and ride away from all the carnage in the facility. A blah blah story told by Matt Smith ensues about how they have to survive for the kid.

Patient Zero IMDB Profile

My Score: (3 / 10)

IMDB Watchlist = 4656

If you don’t agree with my opinion please let me know by posting a comment below. I like to read others their opinion and their reasons why they disagree. If you have movie suggestions for me please let me know, maybe I will watch it and review it here.

Author: Federico

I have created this blog so i have a way to vent my random thoughts. It will be a journey without an end.

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